“All is fair in love and beer.”
— Kurt Paradis
TRANSCRIPT OF A RECORDING OF A CONVERSATION BETWEEN MR. JAY O’DELL AND MS. TORI HERNANDEZ ON MARCH 25, 20XX
(Door opening and closing)
TORI: Jay, c’mon, we have to go! I’ve got the guns already, we have to move fast.
TORI: Jay? Where are you?
TORI: Seriously, man, we gotta go! Where the f—
TORI: Are you asleep?!
TORI: Wake up!
TORI: For god’s sake—
(repeated smacking sounds)
JAY: Ow! The f***?!
TORI: The f*** is right, why are you still asleep? I told you I was doing recon this morning, you were supposed to be my backup!
TORI: Wake up, you jacka**! What the h***’s wrong with you?
TORI: No s***! How late were you up last night?
TORI: What? What did you . . . ? What’s that smell? . . . Oh my god, were you drinking? Are you hungover?!
TORI: F*****’ hell, Jay! Why the f*** did you go and get drunk?
JAY: F*** off.
TORI: F*** you! I should just leave your pathetic a** behind.
TORI: Yeah, why d’you think I’m here? The target’s moved on, we have to follow him.
JAY: The boss?
TORI: She’s the one who gave the order. All units converge. It’s now or never.
JAY: Well, f***.
TORI: Stupidly, I came back here, thinking you’d be ready. Now we’ll be the last ones there if you don’t hurry the f*** up.
TORI: I got ’em. Here.
JAY: F***, Tori, don’t throw it at me!
TORI: You deserve to get your face shot off for sleeping in.
JAY: Yeah, well, good morning to you too.
TORI: It’s three in the afternoon. A**.
JAY: Is it?
JAY: Same to you.
(sounds of rustling, bed creaking)
TORI: . . . Do I even want to know why you’re naked?
JAY: Probably not.
TORI: Just hurry up.
(faint beeping sound, continuous)
JAY: Have you seen my pants?
TORI: I have my eyes closed, and I’m not opening them again.
JAY: Well, I’d be ready faster if . . . What’s that noise?
TORI: Jay, I swear to god, you have five seconds to get your a** out the door.
JAY: Shut up, I seriously hear something.
TORI: . . . It sounds like someone’s alarm going off.
JAY: Were you followed here?
TORI: I don’t think so, why would anyone—
(beeping sound increases)
JAY: Holy s—
Eh, this was a very experimental piece. The prompt was hard to work with, since I’ve never been hungover, nor even really been around people who’ve been hungover (at least, not noticeably). So most of my knowledge on that end is from movies and TV. And the transcript idea, I dunno. Just trying somethin’ new!