Flash Fiction: Forks - BlueAnteater.com

Flash Fiction: Forks

“Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry always gets the best of the argument.”
— Richard Whately

“No, no, you’re doing it all wrong! The forks go to the left of the plate! The left!”

“Oh dear, that’s not how you fold a napkin . . . Where are the holders?”

No holders?”

“You are not at all prepared for this day.”

“Where are you going now? Back into the kitchen? I think you’ve done enough damage in there already.”

“No, don’t open the oven! Do you know how much heat you just let out?! You’ve just added another half hour to the cook time, congratulations. Everyone is going to be hungry. I hope you’re happy.”

“You should’ve started on those potatoes hours ago. Preferably yesterday. But I suppose now that the turkey won’t be done in time, it doesn’t matter.”

“Heavens, you’re worse at chopping potatoes than you were peeling them. There will be lumps, I assure you.”

“In the microwave? You’ve got a perfectly good stove here!”

“Also, your knife is horribly dull. Not unlike your cooking skills.”

“Of course. Canned green beans. Why not.”

“You’re a disgrace to Thanksgiving! And to America! And to cuisine! And —”

“You know she can’t hear you, right?”

“Oh, hello, Marcus. When did you . . . Ah, well, I mean . . . Yes, I know she can’t, but it . . . makes me feel better.”

“Does it?”

“Well, no, not really. But maybe my displeasure will somehow transcend . . . ? No?”

“Not at all.”

“How dispiriting. Eh heh, pardon the pun.”

” . . . ”

“How do you put up with it, Marcus? Just watching them make these horrible mistakes.”

“Trust me, when you’ve been a ghost for as long as I have, you just learn to ignore it.”

“But the forks, Marcus. I mean, that’s basic plating!”

” . . . I think you need to get out of the house more.”

 


 

Short silly little thing. If ghosts were real, I doubt they’d be very vengeful and violent. But definitely very frustrated.

The prompt came from Yeah Write, which is doing a year-long short story challenge for 2016! This is Week 41’s prompt. You can read all about the challenge HERE!

“131022 Table 3” by P Maillet is licensed under CC BY 4.0.

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